Slipped

Something happened in 2020
something that you may know about
something many didn’t enjoy
something that caused many to die

And die they did
in China and Australia and the USA
and donning my tin foil hat
I must throw something into the fray

Having taught English for 20 years
to an entire country of people
who never came across
plurals and singulars…

It was my keen joy to show
that Japanese does indeed
pluralise
when referring to people

And not mere objects and cats
computers and dogs
yet never to water and paper
pasta and news and bowls

So much effort, so much time
so much money
helping people understand
singular versus plural

Yet here we are –
my tin hat firmly donned –
with everyone using
‘amount’

where it can never belong!
Where did it all go wrong?
Has everyone been using a bong?
Here I ring the gong!

A number of people
a number of cars
a number of errors
all three countables be!

An amount of water
an amount of money
an amount of rain
uncountables, you see?

My giddy aunt –
I’m falling off the precipice.
I can think of no other reason
for these idiotic excesses

Than a global drop in IQ
or care
or awareness
or integrity

People I previously considered smart
are placing ‘amount’ with ‘reports’
or hurling ‘supports’ headlong
into the chaos

Where this leads us
who can know?
A certain amount of
understanding

and study are surely
needed to
stop this carelessness
from infecting our kids forever.