To say I feel stuck implies I have a drive or will to go somewhere or do something.
To say I feel lost implies I knew where I was and do not know where I am.
To say I feel depressed implies some sort of pressure or submersion.
- these do not describe my experience
Death of Motivation
I’ve been driven most of my life to accomplish goals and to have certain experiences. Even at my lowest points, such as being homeless, enduring mental breakdowns, or wrestling with suicide, I was driven to take action. With Pluto transiting my MC, the final 0º transit happening in January, I’m motivated to achieve nothing at all.
Without that continuous striving, without that ambition, I’m resolving back to what I am without an external impetus: I’m left with just me
This experience is quite extraordinary.
Who are you without your need to achieve something?
The fundamental core I’m discovering is that I am that which takes care of me.
Pluto represents the force of destruction and revitalisation, such as when a bushfire rips through leaving ashes. From the ashes springs new life. After the first rains, the land is bursting with vitality. This is the principle of Pluto.
There is no passive experience of Pluto: this force of change is intrinsic to life and everyone experiences this rejuvenating process. We, each of us, generate this process from within ourselves.
The MC represents where we are headed. When sailing around the world, before satellites, captains knew to locate the guide-star ensuring the ship’s course stayed true. How we reach our goals and the kinds of goals we aspire to reach are reflected in the MC’s sign and the position of that sign’s ruler in the chart.
Pluto transits reflect when we make fundamental alterations within our psyches and lives; Pluto transits clarify the changes we are experiencing.
Pluto transiting your MC may not happen in your lifetime but you will know someone to whom it has.
The IC, the direct opposite point of the MC, is our tap root sunk into the centre of this planet. With the MC non-functional, the psyche rests solely upon the IC, our place.
Over the past few months, I reached the end of a long journey, one which I started when I was 7. That goal I set for myself has taken me to many spaces and many places. I reached the end of other journeys started over the past three years, and even over the past few decades, all at this same time.
All my paths culminated in where I am now, like entering a clearing in a grove.
Studying a lot of psychology, in theory and in practice, as well as my Astrological perceptions, have allowed me to interpret my arrival here: at myself.
Feeling responsible for family and friends, students and co-workers, and all of humanity, as I used to, required my focus to be exclusively external. I no longer feel this duty so closely. Rather than a car I’m being driven in, it is more like a small lizard nudging my hand.
All that focus has dissipated. The structure of all that energy has collapsed around me like a house of cards, like Jenga blocks, like Lego strewn on the floor.
I’m not much bothered, though, as I have no directive to pick it all up.
Back to Astrology
The IC is where and how we recuperate. The MC cannot, in a healthy way, guide us when the IC is neglected: we cannot meaningfully achieve any goal whilst we do not take care of ourselves. Astrology, psychology and biology are all systems of balance just as life is myriad systems in balance: I have been unbalanced for far too long!
So, I’m learning to balance myself. With no striving, I have the space to relax into myself. With no guide star, I have no direction to navigate.
Just momentarily, to be sure, but I think it’s best I reconcile myself with myself before the stars come out again.