My stress is gone. My thinking isn’t reactive. I can calmly consider things. I do not remember when last I could think like this. Years it’s been.
I have now the ground to help myself. I mean, it’s not as if I don’t need it. 50. Living below the poverty line. In a share house which will soon be demolished. Studying at uni attempting to manifest a dream.
Alone.
Free.
‘A solo life,’ my father sympathised.
Many avenues but I want to do something fun. Haven’t felt optimistic for so long. I want to help me. Never tried it before – always had other people, the entire world, to help first. Now it’s just me.
I want to be successful. I want to stretch my legs and move, extend myself. Extend my influence. Expand my soul.
It’s so nice not being stressed!
Life is for living. Experiencing. For being alive in.
I hope I can convey this to my readers. I want to expand people with my words. I need to achieve developmental growth in my readers.
I get ahead of myself.
Me.
I am my focus. I help myself now. Leave behind the incessant neediness of humanity and I am my own focus now.
I’ve never helped myself before. Awful that I never did. Other’s behaviour toward me has reflected this starkly. How I never considered myself not needing help: we cannot know before we know.
Well. I’m here now to help me.