Warning: Sexually Evocative!
11:58: Hi, it’s me. I just wanna say sorry. I deliberately put it in my pocket so you couldn’t get it. I got my just desserts. I am an idiot. I pressed the button out of spite. I fell through spacetime and landed in a swamp.
12:15: Twinkling through the jungle, dozens of eyes peered at me. Teeth, fangs, claws, scales. I’ve never been in a jungle before. Ooze soaked into my bunny slippers. I ought to have learnt how your ‘Delta Key’ worked before I snatched it.
12:27: A mosquito buzzed onto my ear. I fumbled the activation button but nothing happened. I knew I was dead. I slapped my ear, splattering the blood-sucking insect. Two beasts sprang from the underbrush, saliva spraying and talons unfurled.
12:43: The chime sounded. I pressed the button and fell through spacetime again, landing face-first on a warm, furry belly. That’s when things got better. I just wanna be honest with you, so here’s the action in full:
‘What is this…?’ said a male voice, warm, curious and authoritative.
‘Mfmmfmfffm,’ I replied. He planted his hand against the back of my neck, pushing my face into his thick fur. His other hand began pawing at my body.
‘A little gift for papa. I shall have you,’ he said. His rough padded paw moved toward my buttocks. He kneaded them.
‘Aaahhhhgggmmfff!’ was all I could manage.
‘Ah, little present enjoys papa’s touch,’ the furry beast growled.
12:52: I wrapped my arms around the creature. Waves of warmth flowed into me. His cock began rising and so did mine.
He forced my face into his large tummy, pulling my dressing gown up and tearing a hole through my pants. He probed my arse with the tip of a claw.
My body quivered. I could barely breathe.
‘Little present wants papa,’ he said.
I hugged him tighter as he slid his pants down. I brought my legs up for easy access. ‘Good present for papa.’
13:01: Wet with excitement he thrust directly into me, my cry of shock muffled by his exquisite fur. The Delta Key chimed. His thrusting climaxed. Voices approached the dwelling. Two heavy objects thudded on the ground outside. His orgasm subsided.
‘Little present must away,’ he sighed.
I let his softening shaft slide out, the thick head came out with a ‘plop’. The furry beast grinned. The Delta Key chimed again.
‘Thanks papa.’ I rearranged my dressing gown. It hid my hard-on but not my smirk. He pulled his pants up and keys rattled outside the door.
‘My little present…’ He lent forward to lick my face but I pressed the Delta Key and fell through spacetime again.
13:17: Now you know how easy I am.
13:38: I landed on a sandy walkway with walls of sandstone in every direction, braziers placed at the odd corner. The pathways wide enough for a horse. I peered around a corner to find more of the same. A musky aroma in the air but dry. Cobwebs.
The Delta Key vibrated, not chimed. Standing by the light of a brazier, I fished it out for a better look. Just the one button. Still had no idea how I’d get home. I really ought to have asked you about it beforehand. It’s true: I’m a jealous bitch!
You are always tinkering and rabbiting on about your latest creation. I’ve no brains for science but your glasses and geek demeanour are just irresistible. Intelligent and unusual, I had to fall in love with you, no choice!
I decided to explore a little more. This was my first time using one of your devices and that furry beast was not shabby. I pushed my luck
I put the Delta Key back in my pocket and started up the next corridor but something felt strange. The breeze changed. The hairs on my neck stood on end.
I don’t know why but I started jogging thinking I could find a way out. I hate jogging! Bunny slippers got left behind but no great loss after that flaming swamp!
14:28: Cool sand under my feet reminded me of our first date at the beach. We made love in the sand dunes and swam while the sun set. We watched the moon rise, we watched the stars come out.
You said that you’d never been on a date to the beach.
I couldn’t believe that. Everyone who lives on the east coast has been to the beach!
You said that you’d never been with another man before or been on a date before, then you glanced down, all shyness, but exuding that manly attractiveness that only a geek can exude. I fell deeper.
‘I’m honoured,’ I mumbled, you remember? I felt like an unwashed second-hand car.
Then you said ‘thank-you’ and your eyes met mine and reality ceased to exist.
14:37: The breeze got stronger the further I went. Ran! I was panicking. I was being watched. Chills ran up my spine. I rounded a corner then I fell through space but not time right into this huge spiderweb.
It broke my fall like a trampoline. It sparkled like lace made of diamonds and it somehow drained the energy right out of me.
The vibration from the Delta Key weakened and I realised that the vibration meant something different from the chime.
13:40: Before I could move, the web stretched near my right leg. I was terrified. I really don’t like spiders. The threads stretched near my left leg and then the whole lot strained. A massive spider clambered over me. I screamed like a bitch.
It wasn’t as bad as I had imagined, years ago, watching David Attenborough delightfully explaining what happens to insects captured with paralysing venom. All I felt were fangs piercing my jugular. My body went into factory reset.
I felt quite relaxed as this leopard-sized spider precisely unpicked the web and wrapped me up. And very gently, too. It then carried me between its legs like a baby in swaddling. I felt nurtured and loved. My brain only processed feelings of safety and care. It eventually dumped me on the floor.
‘Ssservant bringssss unto thee, Missstresss,’ the spider hissed and moved back.
My brain decided it was proud I was a gift.
‘Unwrap,’ a deep female voice said from somewhere above.
Attenborough didn’t care to mention how spiders unwrap their breakfasts. Perhaps they don’t. Perhaps they just drop the cocoon on the ground after the sucking of juices has been completed. My idiot brain only wanted to give me to this ‘mistress’.
‘Reanimate,’ came the next command.
The spider again pierced my jugular. The delirium evaporated.
That’s the instant my brain engaged Maximum Panic Mode™️ but actually all it did was short circuit. I had to improvise.
I kneeled and bowed in front of her. ’Greetings, Mistress.’ I said, surreptitiously moving my hand toward my pocket. My voice quavered. My eyes were wide as saucers. I kept my bowels and bladder controlled.
Searing pain lanced across my back. A second! A third before I realised I was splayed, face down, on the floor. A fourth brought my brain back online and it began offering ideas. Nothing useful, to be sure. My dressing gown followed my brain’s lead at the fifth and fell to pieces. Blood dripped down my sides.
I heard her ask, ‘Species?’
My brain attempted to restart speech functionality but only a grating, choking sound emerged. Searing pain. The sixth lash didn’t come but two lavishly bejewelled hands raised me. I saw my dominatrix from the hooves up. Yes, HOOVES.
13:59: True to form, my brain noted the decor: whips, chains, belts, cuffs, strap-ons and a large barrel chocked on its side. She’d be having me but not to eat.
My brain decided a light buzzing was the most suitable response by the time I looked into her stunning hazel eyes. So here’s my first conversation with a centaur:
‘Species!’ Her lisp was cute.
‘H-homo s-sapiens,’ I stuttered.
Confusion crossed her imperious face. ‘Location?’
‘Planet Earth,’ I offered.
She turned to the spider and I got my chance. It was much easier reaching into my pocket with the dressing gown in tatters. The vibration was almost dead.
I pressed it for the last time.
15:06: I fell through spacetime right into your man cave. Tools and parts strewn across the benches. I’d never been in there before. I reckon this is who you really are. I reckon I’ve been a coward to not show more interest.
15:09: I put the Delta Key on the desk lamp base.
15:43: I just wanted to say sorry. The fight was my fault and you are right: I am a selfish and jealous bitch. I can’t help it. I will never understand who you are. I’m just not that smart. And I don’t fucking care! I just want to be with you. I want to be your man. Please forgive me. Please marry me.
15:58: Sorry my message was so long. Apparently I need 120 stitches, maybe more. Had time to kill.
16:06: No no please don’t feel guilty! I snatched the Delta Key out of your hand and it’s my fault I didn’t show more interest.
16:09: Or respect.
16:21: Is it possible to revisit places?