In our exclusive this afternoon, insiders have revealed an entire nation has shit down! No fewer than 3 million people are teetering on the edge of starvation in Australia’s east as the ravaging remnants of Typhoon Alfresco dumps millimetres of rain with determinedly intermittent breezes across the coast.
Not only have all the supermarkets shut, but all but the American service stations are open. Fears of wide spread starvation and humility are sweeping the outer suburbs.
Government representatives from the Liberal party are promising an end to despair with waves of new immigrants to shore up consumption rates and the Greens have promised a progressive tax rate which in no way will further disadvantage the poor. Labour part reps phoned in to promote their new anit-Liberal party planphlet.
Social media influencers are proclaiming this weekend a disaster on par with the covid pandemic of 2020 which shut down The Machine ™️ and left dozens of the upper middle class bored to tears.
Fears of rampaging working class homo sapiens enjoying a 2 day weekend are continuing to torment the stock market and board members alike, panic is gripping the world over how long this social nightmare will continue.
More news at 11.
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