Narcissism is a psychological delusion. More than simply being selfish or opportunistic, narcissists have proceeded along a train of thought which leads them to disconnect from others’ needs. This delusion is where someone ‘knows’ that their needs must be met but there is no longer the ability to facilitate others’ needs.
Where a narcissist is directly addressed with their lack of nurturing, support, acceptance and respect, they will backtrack, evade, counter-attack, or use guilt and coercion to not respond to that issue. The difference with a fragile narcissist is the tone of this response, but not its outcome.
Fragile, delicate, close to or in the process of crumbling, a fragile narcissist will cry, claim ignorance, deflate, and plead for forgiveness before recommencing activities as if nothing had happened.
The delusion of a narcissist is that they are alone in their minds and must protect their interests or their emotional equilibrium to the death. Any one or anything which threatens these cores are dealt with in any way necessary to maintain this delusion. The pain they inflict on others originates here.
At no point can a narcissist effectively negotiate, compromise, harmonise, or acquiesce to another. The confrontations this inflexibility in relationships provokes are, for the narcissist, on-going proof that they must protect themselves and reinforce their defences.
I do not know and the studies do not indicate what could prompt a narcissist to realise it is their delusion which hurts the people they love and irreparably damages relationships. I have observed a consistency in attitude which is this: narcissists cannot admit to having any flaw or committing any fault unless it is used as a way to communicate their fragility.
Addressing the concept of human frailty with the fragile narcissists I’ve known results in a look of contemplation and confusion, accompanied then by evasions. No effort is ever expended to make amends for any pain inflicted; perhaps because doing so would confirm they did something ‘wrong’. This is the source of their fragility.
If you notice that people in your life suddenly stop returning your calls and no longer communicate with you, perhaps you did something which hurt them. Through the nebulous impressions which flood your mind, there is only one point which you need to focus on and that is just how much you want to be proven loveable and valid.
Let go of that. Might help you love yourself.
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